Communication has become complex.

When I was young, it was pretty simple.

We made a phone call, wrote a letter, or dropped by for a visit (unannounced). People actually answered the phone, if they were home. There was no caller ID. They took their chances that the person on the other end was someone they needed or wanted to talk to. There were no answering machines. If you missed a call, you missed a call. And you didn’t even know you missed a call because there was no way to know you missed a call. So there was no stress about missing a call. And you weren’t even required to return the call because you didn’t even know you missed it.

If someone wrote you a letter, then you received the news of their day 3 to 5 days after that news had happened. And as soon as you could, the polite thing to do was to write a letter back with your news of the day. It was all about what the kids were doing now, home improvements, the new job, stories about the new neighbors and how mom was doing. It’s kind of like the Christmas letters we get now, but it happened once a month. 

There was nothing better than getting a personal letter in the mail, tucked in between all the paper bills.  It was like a hug from the mailbox. The jackpot was when there was a picture inside… Showing the family on vacation or graduation photo. ”Someone thought to write to just me!” I still really like that.

And then there was the doorbell. Someone was at the door that you probably knew and would be delighted to see in person. It would result in a handshake, a hug and an invitation inside for a cup of coffee. (the coffee was always on) That’s when we used to visit each other. 

Or the person at the door was an encyclopedia or Fuller Brush salesman. Or maybe they were peddling vacuum cleaners. I’m pretty sure we bought all of those items from a door-2-door saleman. But we always met somebody really nice in the process. 

That was all 60 years ago.

Today we communicate in so many ways I have truly lost count. The most common for the longest time was just email. But now our inboxes are overflowing with ads and subscriptions and unwanted spam. So we moved over to text. Both text and email presume that you will get a rather immediate response. Personally, I expect a response to an email within 24 hours and to a text, usually within an hour or two. Unless it’s to my husband at the grocery store and then I want an answer within seconds. 

That’s my expectation. I don’t know what the rule of thumb is here. My reasoning is that a text is an indicator that a response is desired, as soon as the receiver reads it. 

Note to self: keep it short. People only read the first seven words of any text. Especially husbands. 

If the text is a love note or “I’m thinking of you”, then  a ❤️👍🙏🏼or 😌emoji communicates “thank you”, or “me too”. At the very least it acknowledges the thoughtfulness that was intended. 

If the text is a question that can’t be answered immediately, my expectation is that an emoji of some type will indicate that the receiver at least received and read it. A 👍👍  will do. I think that’s just kind, and it takes very little effort to type 6 words, “Let me get back to you.” Then the nice thing to do is to get back to that person. 

I am a retired person. (Well, I’m a writer, but nobody thinks writers are really working. We are all working… we’re just working at something we love to do so it doesn’t look like working to the rest of the world.) 

I retired from an incredibly busy media and television career. I absolutely do know what it’s like to be at work and receive personal phone calls from people who are not working. They can’t possibly know the current craziness of the working person’s schedule. And that includes the busy moms or dad’s who work from home.

So as a retired person, I’m trying to figure out how to communicate with my busy, still working, family and friends.

We don’t want to be a bother, but we need to have an answer to something in order to complete a plan. (That’s the job of a retired person… gathering family together, planning a party for friends, helping the too-busy working person enjoy the other parts of life.) If we’re planning a dinner, we need to know if and how many people are coming so we can do the shopping. If we’re buying tickets for an event, we need an answer…or we might just miss that window to buy seats together for that event. And we don’t wanna keep texting because then we get a reputation for being a bother. You know that “old person at home that has no idea what it’s like to work or run children around to all of their events”.

We DO know what it’s like to work. We DO know what it’s like to raise a family and be very busy.

We are just really glad it’s not us anymore.

However, when we were working and raising a family, we didn’t have the added stress of texts, Messenger, Facebook, Instagram or the barage of all other sources of connection  that make people feel much more busy than they probably really are because they are trying to manage the insane communication options of our world today.

When a text connection goes unanswered, it’s 🦗 ( that’s a cricket for those of you who don’t know.) It means no answer, being ghosted, then the imagination begins to spin. 

Why aren’t they answering me? 

Maybe my test got lost in cyberspace? 

Did I text the wrong number?

They must not have seen my message. 

Should I text again? No, thats pushy. 

Maybe they got my message but don’t wanna talk to me?

Are they too busy?

Maybe they don’t know how to answer me?

Maybe they are sick and tired of me and wish I would stop texting?

They are probably complaining to their co-worker about me right now.

Should I call? 

Okay. Maybe that’s the female thought process. I think most men probably don’t care…unless it’s their wife or kid who doesn’t respond. Or the plumber. 

I just want to go back to the Good Ol Days. I want to write a letter, and get one in response, with old news. I want to make a phone call and have someone happily answer on the other end, excited to hear my voice. I want to stop by for a hug and a cup of coffee.

Or maybe I just need a ❤️