It’s 3:30 AM. I awoke to the sound of the clock ticking. Figuratively. The only physical ticking clock in the house is three full rooms away in the family room. The rhythmic tick, tick, tick was loud in my mind, perfectly timed like the annoying drip of a leaky shower head—one you wish would stop but it won’t, not until you get up and deal with it.
So, here I am. Dealing with it.
Six weeks ago I celebrated my 70th birthday. I have no idea how I got here so fast. It seems I just finished raising children in the prime of my life, and now they are raising children in the prime of theirs.
This ticking in my mind is the reality that I have lived well past my halfway point.
Half of my life ago, I read a brilliant and practical book written by Dr. Stephen Covey, The 7 Habits for Highly Effective People, (1989). The second of his seven habits is to “Begin with the end in mind.”
The end. Life has a beginning, a middle and an end. Clearly, I am in the homestretch. If today is the beginning, then it’s a good time to think through how I want things to end. And then I will live more thoughtfully, intentionally, each day.
Cliff and I were chatting about our favorite times of the year. I love the Fall, and Christmas. He really loves summertime. He continued to process his thoughts out loud.
“You know, if I live the average of my parents lives I will die somewhere around 80. That means I only have 10 summers left.”
Bam! His words halted me. If I only have 10 summers left with the love of my life, how do I want to spend those?
Tick tick tick.
So I did a little research this morning with Professor Google, who told me that studies show the average American man lives 76.4 years and women live 81.2 years.
Yikes. What if I only have seven summers with my husband, and seven more Christmases with him?
So, “Beginning with the end in mind” is even more profound right now. Every moment matters. I don’t wish to waste even a second, let alone a full day.
I don’t have a traditional
bucket list. Most people fill those up with things like traveling to a specific place in the world or jumping out of a perfectly good airplane and parachuting to the ground. I’m up for any kind of travel because I love wherever I go. But I’m not at all interested in the ending my life earlier than the 10 or so years I have left, so I will be staying inside the airplane.
I do wish to finish well. For me, it’s not about where I go or what I accomplish, but how I’m going to live my life and be satisfied at the end. I wish to hear those words as I enter heaven, “Well done, good and faithful servant.”
So, while here, my bucket will be filled with intentional living. I want my words to be more loving, encouraging, and uplifting toward my husband, my grown and grandchildren, and others. I don’t want any unfinished business, especially unforgiveness in my life. For a very long time we have practiced “kind last words and actions” and I plan to continue this practice. When we leave the house or go to sleep at night, the last thing we say to each other is, “I love you” and the last thing we do is kiss. I will never apologize for insisting each of my grandkids give and get a hug as they leave. We have lived long enough to know that some people don’t see each other again after they leave the house, drive away or go to sleep.
No regrets.
I give much thought to whether or not something is really worth fretting over, or spending time doing. Things that used to concern me no longer concern me at all. Like whether or not my make up is applied exactly right (or I wear any at all), or if I weigh the exact weight the insurance charts say I should, or if the laundry actually gets done on a specific day of the week. People are more important. Creating healthy relationships are worth every minute. Leaving valuable lessons in the minds and hearts of others, assuring them they are loved, that their life is a gift from their Creator and has value—this is the legacy I desire to leave.
Truly, what’s most important to me is that my own life is simplified enough so that I’m not caught up in the details but fully enjoying the moments. I’ve noticed a change in me. I work faster at getting the necessary (mundane) stuff done and out of the way. Like if the garage needs to be cleaned, I want it done quickly, not dragged out over months. I don’t have months to waste on managing hordes of supplies, tools or the things that used to matter. I can look at the collection now and decide very quickly if it goes or stays.
You know why? Because seven more summers with my husband or seven more Christmases with my kids matters more.
Oh, and by the way—I may just behave in a way that embarrasses my family. A little. I have been responsible all of my life, so every now and then, if you or my kids see that I am acting in a completely crazy, fun and even irresponsible way… please just let me do that.
Tick, tick, tick.
—Excerpt from my book in progress, The 3rd Third, Finishing Well
By Suzanne Peppers
